Lipstick and Lemondrops.

On September 20, 2012 I lost my sunshine, Libby, to cancer.

Sometimes words can't explain how much you can miss something. Libby is still my everything. I know she's with me all the time, but the hardest part is that she's not physically here. It's been the hardest thing to get out of the habit of saying goodnight, or walking in from school and saying "Hi Babygirl!" and letting her outside. Our backdoor is always locked now, and everyone leaves the gates open. It's a constant reminder she's gone. About 1-2 months before September, we found out she had cancer. I cried that whole night, and still do. Without the medication we gave her, she would have lived only 2 more weeks. But instead I got her for 1 more month. 1 agonizing month watching her get skinnier, and 1 more month knowing she could be gone anyday, But one more month I got to spend with MY little sister, my sunshine, my everything. On Tuesday, we made the decision to put her down Thursday. It was overwhelming to know I only had 2 more days with her. It just was too fast. I just couldn't watch her be in pain anymore. Thursday of the day, I tried to spend every moment with her. We took her to the vet, and she was so happy. I gave her one last treat, one last kiss, one last hug, and said goodbye. I sang her her song 'You are my Sunshine.' She gave me a kiss back, and we all said goodbye. I watched her pass in peace. It sucks. To know I would rather have her in heaven with no pain, but I want her here with me too. After we put her to sleep we brought her home and put her in her 'casket'. With her favorite toys, her blanket, a letter from me, some of our favorite things for her. We put Quincey (my cat) in there to say goodbye. It was hard to have her in our house.. gone, to know this was our final goodbye. Everyone went outside to talk to our close neighbor for a while, and I was in there. I cried, but I sang 'You are my Sunshine', one. last. time. I knew that moment was meant for me to tell her what I wanted. I sang to her and everyone came back in. We drove her up to our friends cabin and my dad and brother started digging the hole. We took the casket out of the car and I sat by her. Every second until they were done digging. When it was time to say goodbye, it finally sunk in. That this was it. I told her goodbye. And my heart sunk to my feet as I watched her be lowered into the ground. I just had to remember, this was only her physical body. Not her spirit. The drive home was agonizing. I just wanted to go lay with Libby and fall asleep next to her like I did every night before that. I miss her. Libby, I love you. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, so please, don't take my Libby, away. Rest in peace.

Libby and Quincey